are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
