I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
