Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize