i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
