Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
