I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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