Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
