I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
