they need to just BURY HIM!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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