Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
