my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
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