I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
