Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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