I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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