just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
