I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
