Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
