I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
