Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
