he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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