i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
