you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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