The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
