if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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