Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Bring me that man meat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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