I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
