My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
