Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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