I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
