i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
