so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
