just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
