i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize