the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
