Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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