the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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