just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bring money and cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
