How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
