is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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