Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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