i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She's the barista slut.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
