does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
