tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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