But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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