I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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