i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
