so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
