I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
