i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My liver just broke up with me...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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