I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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