I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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