You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize