remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
