it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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