Got a toothbrush?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
