I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
