his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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