The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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