Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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