I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize