I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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