I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
