I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
