And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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