It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize