Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
