I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
