My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
