Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
