Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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