In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
