white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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