Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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