hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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