how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
