just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
