You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
