You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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