The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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