mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
