mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
