4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
