that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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