I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
