areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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