I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
