I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
