I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
