Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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