My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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