There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
